- Huineng
The mind has the capacity for great things; it is not meant to behave in petty ways.
- Huineng Across the years, I've spent ample time with grievers - those who have lost a loved one to death - and conducted hundreds of funerals. Too often I witnessed the ways people complicate their loss and make the grief more difficult. One of those is the denial of the words "dead" and "death". Because it’s emotionally difficult to inform people about a death, many have resorted to the use of euphemisms – the substitution of an inoffensive word or phrase in order to soften unpleasant information.
However, euphemisms which mask the reality of death run the risk of setting up complicated grief. Here are some common euphemisms which should be avoided, especially with vulnerable individuals such as children and even adults who may take the information literally.
On each branch of the trees in my garden
Hang clusters of fruit, swelling and ripe. In the end, not one piece will remain. My mind turns to thoughts of my death. - Dalai Lama (7th) Japan suffered a devastating loss against Belgium in the knock-out round of the World Cup, after leading the game 2-0 with just 25 minutes remaining in the second half. The shocking 3-2 loss meant Japan was out of the soccer competition and headed home. Before they left, though, the heartbroken team showed an impressive display of good sportsmanship and even better manners.
On the field, the team respectfully bowed to their opponents. They then filed into the locker room to change. But before they departed, they left the room completely spotless and even left a thank you note in Russian for their hosts. When the 12 Thai boys who were trapped in a cave and were rescued one by one were first discovered by British divers a week ago, they were reportedly meditating.
“Look at how calm they were sitting there waiting. No one was crying or anything. It was astonishing,” the mother of one of the boys told the AP, referring to a widely shared video of the moment the boys were found. Turns out that their coach, Ekapol Chanthawong, who led them on a hike into the cave when it flooded on June 23, trained in meditation as a Buddhist monk for a decade before becoming a soccer coach. According to multiple news sources, he taught the boys, ages 11 to 16, to meditate in the cave to keep them calm and preserve their energy through their two-week ordeal. “He could meditate up to an hour,” Ekapol’s aunt, Tham Chanthawong, told the AP. “It has definitely helped him and probably helps the boys to stay calm.” (source: www.vox.com) When animals are crossing a ford,
if the one in front goes crookedly, all the others go crookedly. So too, among human beings, when the leader behaves unrighteously, other people behave unrighteously. If the leader is unrighteous, the entire country is miserable. —Buddha Shakyamuni, Anguttara Nikaya If you’ve recently had the unwelcome experience of a loss – the death of a good friend or family member or beloved animal companion, the ending of a significant relationship, or perhaps the loss of health, the ensuing emotion is grief. Even this bitter taste of life can be the occasion to deepen our practice of mindfulness. Here ten ways to grieve mindfully and process the pain skillfully.
1. Mindful breathing. Grief produces stress and when you are stressed there are physical changes such as increased heart rate, fast breathing, and high blood pressure. The shortest route to reducing this stress is to breath deeply and slowly. When you breathe deeply, it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax. This is one way to do this. Sit quietly and comfortably. On your inhale say to yourself “in”; on your exhale say to yourself “out”. Repeat for five minutes or more. 2. Mindful thoughts. When grieving it's easy to let the mind gravitate toward negative, catastrophic thinking. However, it doesn't need to be that way. Rather than have your mind manage you and your feelings, flip the switch and manage your mind training it to think positively and optimistically. Whenever negative thoughts emerge replace them with positive ones. Move from “I can't” and “I'm not able” toward “I can” and “I am able”. 3. Mindful words. Pay attention to the way way you speak. Is your vocabulary positive and uplifting or does it tend to focus on the negative and pessimistic. Use words, phrases and sentences which build up, encourage, inspire and applaud yourself and all those you come in contact with. 4. Mindful support. There are individuals around you who want to be as helpful as possible. Be mindful of who they are. Don't hesitate to lean on them from time to time. Avoid the temptation to isolate yourself when you are struggling. Reach out and let someone touch you. 5. Mindful action. Take steps necessary to learn about and adopt new coping skills to help you through the hardest days. Perhaps you could research and read online information about loss, grief and recovery. This would be a positive mindful act. 6. Mindful silence. There is a time to speak there is a time to be silent. Honoring these two will bring balance to your life an experience. Mindful silence can involve spending time alone in meditation, prayer, reflection, contemplation. 7. Mindful eating. Grief disrupts appetite. Some grievers eat too little while others over eat. Practice mindfulness at meals. Be sure to mindfully eat fresh, healthy foods to keep your body strong during your grief journey. If preparing meals for just yourself is uninspiring, use this as a reason to invite company over for a meal or try a new restaurant with a friend. 8. Mindful exercise. To offset the shock and sadness of grief, engage in regular exercise most days of the week. Studies reveal that exercise is just as effective for reducing depression as are anti-depressant drugs. Even if you feel you can't possibly drag yourself out of bed, get up and get moving. Think carefully about an activity that appeals to you – hiking, biking, swimming, yoga, group fitness classes, dancing, kayaking – and do it. 9. Mindful determination. Grief doesn't allow you to rewind your life so it's important to find ways of motivating yourself to keep moving forward. This means cultivating a deeper determination, the will to overcome grief and regain the joys of living. 10. Mindful possibilities. As grief eases and days become lighter and brighter, be be mindful about your future, about your ability to move forward and reinvent yourself. (please feel free to re-post or share and link on your social media) Life is real, though only relatively real in the deepest sense. It is through life that we progress. Life is the means provided by the Primordial God for finding Reality. - Sivaya Subramuniyaswami
![]() The computer you’re reading this article on right now runs on a binary — strings of zeros and ones. Without zero, modern electronics wouldn’t exist. Without zero, there’s no calculus, which means no modern engineering or automation. Without zero, much of our modern world literally falls apart. - Brian Resnick (Public domain image from www.pixabay.com) While the number zero appears around the world at different time periods and among different cultures, India appears to have developed the number system creating a sophisticated mathematical system long before other cultures. David Osborn in his article The History of Numbers, observes: "The usage of zero along with the other nine digits opened up a whole new world of science for the Indians. Indeed Indian astronomers were centuries ahead of the Christian world.The Indian scientists discovered that the earth spins on its axis and moves around the sun, a fact that Copernicus in Europe didn’t understand until a thousand years later—a discovery that he would have been persecuted for, had he lived longer." Even a person with terminal cancer can say to himself or herself, ‘ What a big deal. I’m going to die.’ One day every person is going to die. Accept death. Don’t be afraid of dying. You will never die. Your body is a mortal frame, whereas your soul is immortal. - Vasant Lad
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Victor M. Parachin ...is aVedic educator, yoga instructor, Buddhist meditation teacher and author of a dozen books. Buy his books at amazon or your local bookstore. Archives
July 2024
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